The Devil Talks The Hindmost

by DESMOND STIRLING

"Once, if someone had used the word Kindle in connection with my novels I would have been livid and probably asked them outside. But I gather that a ‘Kindle’ is now a doobry on which one can read books. Apparently, it’s very handy for use on public transport – whatever that is.

"Now all of you – well, those of you who aren’t too old to have moved with the times (unlike my good self who has always been a la mode e.g. driving sports cars, listening to ‘jazz’, having much younger girlfriends) – are able to read my newly-published memoirs The Devil Talks The Hindmost via this infernal device. It will be available at Amazon – indeed, all major rivers, one should think – and is jolly reasonably–priced. Too reasonably, if you ask me. One doesn’t want to encourage the poor to loiter around their hovels reading (if they are capable), and besides, the lifestyles I write about will just make them dissatisfied, and next thing you know, the hoi polloi are throwing an almighty tantrum and it’s the General Strike all over again. Still, gives Plod a chance to practice their water-cannon skills.

"I digress…

"Buy my book. I have a standard of living to keep up. Holidays in Cap d’Agde don’t pay for themselves.

"You will learn about my family, my friends, my wives (all five of them – mad, scrubber, dead, ex-man, and lesbian), my schooldays, my fight against Satanism, my campaign for Nudism, and other adventures throughout my long and distinguished life. But not my wartime experiences – they’re still covered by the Official Secrets Act..."

 

transcribed by ANTHONY KEETCH 

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